Did You Love Her?

This dialogue was inspired by a friend who was also an older child adoptee.

She didn't love me.

"How do you know?"

If she loved me, she would have taken care of herself and not abandoned me.

"Did you love her?"

I don't know. After she gave us away, I don't remember having feelings toward her.

"You weren't angry towards her for leaving you?"

No, she couldn't take care of herself, much less take care of us?

"What happened to her?"

I don't know. She probably died. She was sick.

"Because she was sick, you think she died?"

If she wasn't sick, I can't imagine why she wouldn't have rescued us from Aunt Betty.

"Did she love you?"

I never thought about that.

"Imagine for a moment that she really loved you. How would that make you feel?"

Sad.

"Why would it make you sad?"

Because if she loved me, then I be sad that I never saw her again after she abandoned us.

"Are there other reasons?"

It also makes my early childhood more real. I like to keep everything in compartments. Also, she wasn't really my mother. My adoptive mother was my mother.

"What would happen if you took your thoughts out of these compartments?"

It would probably cause me to think differently about some things.

"Why don't you give it a try and see what happens? Identify these compartments and what you have kept in each one. Write it out, then spend some time reflecting on it. Then if you choose, let me know some of your thoughts."