Mother-Child Reunion

Most of my life, I convinced myself that I didn't like my birth mother. She abandoned us. After my father died, when we were in foster care, at the time we needed her the most, she was sleeping around and got pregnant. In my mind, she was dead. This also made it easier for me to accept my adopted mom as my mom. The thought of finding a birth mother, or even the search, I felt would have also hurt my mom. However, there has always been this small voice that has spoken at different and various times in my life and asked, "I wonder if she is still alive." The past few years it has grown stronger.

To find my birth mother would cost thousands of dollars. And even then, it is likely that there would be no trace. I thought it would make a good Oprah or Dr. Phil show. They would have the resources to find out if she was dead or alive.

Previously, I wrote about getting a name of someone that might be her. Oddly enough, I found the house in Abiliene, Texas. I decided to go across the street to get a description of the women who lived there. Obviously it wasn't her, because the resident of this home was too tall to have been my mother. The anticipation during this process was heavy. A very odd experience that thousands of adoptees have felt when they were close to the trail of a birth mother.

It is probably apparent why I have been more interested the last few years. If she were alive, she would be in her mid-seventies, so time becomes much more of a factor. I have often wondered if I had had the desire to find her twenty-five years ago, that I would have found her. Yet, I can also remember not wanting to do anything that I felt would hurt my mom.

So, I will probably never find out what happened to Beverly Jane. Did she find another man, have more children? Did she commit suicide? Maybe she became a nun and lives in a convent somewhere in Mexico? She always loved the beach, perhaps she married a fisherman and lives in a shack on the Gulf Coast? Or maybe she married an oil tycoon, and has lived her live in opulence? Regardless, I have often wondered was a mother-child reunion "only a motion away?"

Mother And Child Reunion
Paul Simon

No I would not give you false hope
On this strange and mournful day
But the mother and child reunion
Is only a motion away, oh, little darling of mine.

I can't for the life of me
Remember a sadder day
I know they say let it be
But it just don't work out that way
And the course of a lifetime runs
Over and over again

No I would not give you false hope
On this strange and mournful day
But the mother and child reunion
Is only a motion away, oh, little darling of mine.

I just can t believe it's so
Though it seems strange to say
I never been laid so low
In such a mysterious way
And the course of a lifetime runs
Over and over again

But I would not give you false hope
On this strange and mournful day
When the mother and child reunion
Is only a motion away

Oh the mother and child reunion
Is only a motion away
Oh the mother and child reunion
Is only a moment away